Pizza?

Pizza? What makes a pizza a pizza. What defines a pizza. What is the essence of a pizza. Do pizzas even exist spatio-temporally, or is it just an abstract construct of the human mind. Is there a floating great marvelous ideal pizza (perhaps a margherita) in Plato's realm of forms. What impact does the concept of pizza has on human consciousness? How does the idea of pizza and the idea of the self interact?

"Pizza is such a complicated concept!" exclaimed Gaius D'Anzio.

"All that is round is pizza." Gaius told his followers, and thus was born the Gaian School in the philosophy of pizza. 

From this simple claim that all is round is pizza, great diversity of thought emerged. New questions were asked. Why are some pizzas called pizzas by the crowd and some are not, the Gaian-Gnostics claimed their hidden knowledge of pizzaism (I would prefer the knowledge of a hidden pizza). The progressive pizza-linguists assert that the idea of pizza is embedded in the words describing pizzas but the word pizzas are slowly absorbed into the names now known as pseudo-non-pizzas such as coins (used to be pizzoins) or wheels (used to be pizzeels), and people do think of pizzas when they say coins. Linguists call this contrapizza syllable shift. Some of course are just skeptical about the ability of human reason to comprehend the pizzaism in these pseudo-non-pizzas. 

But what about round holes? asked Gettierius. The Gettierius problem suddenly shook the world of Gaian philosophy. A massive exodus of thinkers from the Gaian School to the social movement of the square pizza makers or the SPM. The SPM's mptto, All that is round is not Pizza. The SPM who are mostly anti-gaians started to mock the Gaians by baking square pizzas. The faithful Gaians remain. Some claimed that yes, a hole is a pizza and not the absence of pizza. Others say that a hole is an anti-pizza, or just mere absence of a pizza (the condition of my stomach now, how sad).

The Gaian natural philosophers of pizzaism bring forth the theory of pizza atomism. They claim that SPM would never truly create a non round pizza because pizza consists of pizquarks which is always round, thus pizza will still be round, at least at the atomic level.

Gettierius laughed at the mess he caused by uttering a simple question

"No, a round hole is pizza but it is not a pizza." Gettierius answered his own question in a paper.

Unfortunately before every Gaians and Gaian apostates were reconciled Gettierius died.

First of many of joke posts. After all The Colosseum is not only for philosophical short expositions, it is for any thoughts.